On occasion, I feel the need to just stop everything and re-energize. I know this sounds pretty crazy, but I get to a place where I just need a moment to gather my thoughts, gather my strength, and gather my heart strings. I have had one of those weeks where things weren't bad, they just weren't great. I really have no complaints, I just haven't really had time to pay attention to the details. The little things are what keep me happy, and I need to take a fresh look.
The problem with this, and here is the crazy part, is that when I stop like this, I realize that very seldom do I get asked what is going on with me. Don't take this the wrong way...I have a great family, and great friends...I just think I allow myself to be the strong one all the time and rarely ask for anything, so it is perfectly normal for those around me to assume that nothing is wrong because I don't speak up. I don't speak up for several reasons (mostly because I choose not to), but also because I know people have alot going on in their lives. I was born to be the "listener" and have no problem listening until the cows come home. I love listening and helping when I can. It is simply who I am. I just forget that on those rare days, and I need to be the one listened to, that I need to say, "Hey! Listen to me!" Of course, I would rather die than to say anything like that, but I can dream. :) Thankfully, I don't have anything to say this time...I just really needed to pay attention to the little things. Makes perfect sense, right? Ha. I know...my mind music is so far out there sometimes...it is even bazaar to me - and I'm the one thinking all this. I can only shake my head and grin.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Living in the moment
Have you ever had one of those moments when all is right with the world? It never ceases to amaze me how God is in complete control. I was blessed enough to have several of those moments today. It started this morning when I was able to see God's miracles through my students, then again with my Soul Sister group ( thanks to my great friends who led this mornings devotion), and again through an awesome fellowship at lunch, and then again with my son this afternoon. I have had so many miracles pop into my life recently and being able to realize where they come from makes life so enjoyable. Thankfully, I can look forward to seeing God's presence in my life for as long as the "east is from the west".
I have so many things to be thankful for. When I get down on my knees tonight, you can bet that I will be a grateful child to the Father for His love, companionship, grace, and love.
I have so many things to be thankful for. When I get down on my knees tonight, you can bet that I will be a grateful child to the Father for His love, companionship, grace, and love.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Garden of Eden
I have mixed feelings about gardens. On one hand, I love them and all of their glorious colors, textures, sizes, and overall chaos that I can cultivate and enjoy. On the other hand, there are these little squirms in my gut when I think I should know more about horticulture. And I don't like the critters one might find when poking about in the weeds.
Here's the scoop for today...
I got up super early and got Comanche out of bed so we could change our driver's licenses to reflect our new address. I took him on to school and then I had to run home to wait for the garage door opener guys to come fix the remotes.
Since our house is under warranty, I called the insurance place the Monday after we moved in (April 5) to let them know we needed to place a work order on the opener. I explained that the remotes were not working, but everything else was. On Thursday of that same week, (April 8) they called me back to ask what name brand the opener was. I told them it was a Craftsman.
Yesterday, (April 14) I got a call from a garage door place here in town. He said he tried to come out to look at it, but no one was home. Uh, you know, like people work...Anyway, I told him I would be home today. He said he would turn the work order back in to his boss and someone would be out. I asked what time he thought this would all take place. He said, "uh, I guess somewhere between 8 and 12".
I waited until noon with no phone call, no garage opener guy. So I went to run the other errands that come with changing an address. I got home about 2:30 and decided I should call the guy back. I called, he answered. I asked when to expect someone. He said he didn't have my work order, I should call their office. I called their office and the guy there couldn't find the work order. I had to explain everything from the very beginning. I included the information I thought pertinent to his job; things like the remotes don't work for the Craftsman opener.
At 2:55, my phone rang and this guy says he is around the corner and on his way. I tell him I need to pick my son up from school and will be back very soon. (I waited, so can he.)
I get back and he says, "Welllll, it seems your remotes don't work for this particular opener." I look at him with awe because I think he is a genius. He waits, so I nod. I'm hoping this will encourage him to continue with the prognosis.
He waits. I say, "Yeah, I know. What can we do about it." He says, "Ah, guess, you cun git anodder wun at the Sears." Thankfully, my husband pulls in at this time, because I'm thinking Spanky is getting ready to get his feelings hurt.
The guy tells Jeff that either the remotes are bad or the mother board is bad. Jeff gives him the same look this guy must see all day every day. Then the guy says, "I wuldn't rally know, 'cuz we don't work on Craftsmans." We pay him the $60.00 for telling us what we already know. As he is turning around to leave, he turns back and says, "Hey, ya'll got a pet snake?" Jeff tells him we do not. The guy says, "Well then, you might aughter git this un outa yur 'rage." I go into panic mode.
The Garden of Eden had a snake. I think it was more expensive than $60.00, though.
Here's the scoop for today...
I got up super early and got Comanche out of bed so we could change our driver's licenses to reflect our new address. I took him on to school and then I had to run home to wait for the garage door opener guys to come fix the remotes.
Since our house is under warranty, I called the insurance place the Monday after we moved in (April 5) to let them know we needed to place a work order on the opener. I explained that the remotes were not working, but everything else was. On Thursday of that same week, (April 8) they called me back to ask what name brand the opener was. I told them it was a Craftsman.
Yesterday, (April 14) I got a call from a garage door place here in town. He said he tried to come out to look at it, but no one was home. Uh, you know, like people work...Anyway, I told him I would be home today. He said he would turn the work order back in to his boss and someone would be out. I asked what time he thought this would all take place. He said, "uh, I guess somewhere between 8 and 12".
I waited until noon with no phone call, no garage opener guy. So I went to run the other errands that come with changing an address. I got home about 2:30 and decided I should call the guy back. I called, he answered. I asked when to expect someone. He said he didn't have my work order, I should call their office. I called their office and the guy there couldn't find the work order. I had to explain everything from the very beginning. I included the information I thought pertinent to his job; things like the remotes don't work for the Craftsman opener.
At 2:55, my phone rang and this guy says he is around the corner and on his way. I tell him I need to pick my son up from school and will be back very soon. (I waited, so can he.)
I get back and he says, "Welllll, it seems your remotes don't work for this particular opener." I look at him with awe because I think he is a genius. He waits, so I nod. I'm hoping this will encourage him to continue with the prognosis.
He waits. I say, "Yeah, I know. What can we do about it." He says, "Ah, guess, you cun git anodder wun at the Sears." Thankfully, my husband pulls in at this time, because I'm thinking Spanky is getting ready to get his feelings hurt.
The guy tells Jeff that either the remotes are bad or the mother board is bad. Jeff gives him the same look this guy must see all day every day. Then the guy says, "I wuldn't rally know, 'cuz we don't work on Craftsmans." We pay him the $60.00 for telling us what we already know. As he is turning around to leave, he turns back and says, "Hey, ya'll got a pet snake?" Jeff tells him we do not. The guy says, "Well then, you might aughter git this un outa yur 'rage." I go into panic mode.
The Garden of Eden had a snake. I think it was more expensive than $60.00, though.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Back to work - ha ha (very funny)
On this Sunday evening, I am thinking about going back to work tomorrow. Then I find myself laughing hysterically because I realized that I NEED to go back to "work" to get away from the WORK I have been doing since Spring Break started! Really and truly, I think I am too old to do anymore moving. I hope to be in this house when my grandchildrens' grandchildren are born. Seriously, I can't cope with another week like this one has been. From dawn till early hours of the next mornings, I have been unpacking, cleaning, unpacking, cleaning and then today I got a wild hair and felt the need to clean out flower beds! Ugh. Who does that to themselves? I know...I am a glutton for self punishment. I think it needs to be done right now and not a moment later. I don't know how my family lives with me.
Of course, before my lower back started aching today - the weed pulling and planting flowers was therapeutic. It was nice to have the house to myself (Jeff was playing golf, and Comanche was at work). When Jeff got home, I went to get my nails done and then grabbed something to eat. Again, very nice and quiet. My mind music needed a much deserved break.
I did manage to go to church this morning and was doubly blessed. The message was good (about what to do with the freedom of salvation), but there was an additional bonus in it for me. I didn't have to sit by myself, (again..Jeff was playing golf and Comanche was working) because a friend showed up to sit with me and ponder all of life's little meanings. Thanks, friend!
Of course, before my lower back started aching today - the weed pulling and planting flowers was therapeutic. It was nice to have the house to myself (Jeff was playing golf, and Comanche was at work). When Jeff got home, I went to get my nails done and then grabbed something to eat. Again, very nice and quiet. My mind music needed a much deserved break.
I did manage to go to church this morning and was doubly blessed. The message was good (about what to do with the freedom of salvation), but there was an additional bonus in it for me. I didn't have to sit by myself, (again..Jeff was playing golf and Comanche was working) because a friend showed up to sit with me and ponder all of life's little meanings. Thanks, friend!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Interestingly enough...
I was in the middle of cleaning out our old house today when I just sat in the living room floor and looked around. I did this after a couple of hours of vacuuming, mopping, lifting boxes out of the attic, pulling dust bunnies (mostly cat hair0 from vents, and overall just plain dirty work. I had the living room and dining room windows open all the way, the blinds were pulled up and the wind was whipping around the house like all get out. I made a phone call to my mom, and visited with her a few minutes and then just sat there in that big empty room. I closed my eyes so I could hear my mind music. The song was pretty interesting. I don't know if it was talking to my mom, or just plain exhaustion, but this is the song I heard...
I remembered being much much younger, and a strong desire to be outside all of the time. I would run through the open fields and go to the rock bridge to watch the water fall. I would let the Indian stone sand sift through my fingers and listen to the trees whisper their ancient stories. I can remember doing this everyday of summer vacations, or after school - as soon as i stepped off the bus. I would whistle for Tag, our coyote dog, and we would run through the trees out into the field. We would stop at the pond for a cool drink and then we would be off again to to the bridge. Occasionally, we would run a little further and watch the waters of the Cimarron river sway through the valley.
We would make it home just as the sun was setting and dinner was being set on the table. Those lazy days were sashaying through my mind as I listed to the wind blow inside the house today. Then I remembered how I would get the water hose and spray Tag (and myself) with that cold, clear water. It would only make the dirt rings around my neck more sticky, but it felt good and pure.
I don't know why my mind music takes a wandering like that - but when I opened my eyes, I felt better about things and picked up the mop again. I realized this would be the last time I would step foot in that big old house. I was sad, but only for a moment. Tag would have never let me stay still for very long, so I began to look forward to my newest adventure. I will file the wind whispers from that house in my mind music for another day. There are stories to tell from there, I am sure of it.
I remembered being much much younger, and a strong desire to be outside all of the time. I would run through the open fields and go to the rock bridge to watch the water fall. I would let the Indian stone sand sift through my fingers and listen to the trees whisper their ancient stories. I can remember doing this everyday of summer vacations, or after school - as soon as i stepped off the bus. I would whistle for Tag, our coyote dog, and we would run through the trees out into the field. We would stop at the pond for a cool drink and then we would be off again to to the bridge. Occasionally, we would run a little further and watch the waters of the Cimarron river sway through the valley.
We would make it home just as the sun was setting and dinner was being set on the table. Those lazy days were sashaying through my mind as I listed to the wind blow inside the house today. Then I remembered how I would get the water hose and spray Tag (and myself) with that cold, clear water. It would only make the dirt rings around my neck more sticky, but it felt good and pure.
I don't know why my mind music takes a wandering like that - but when I opened my eyes, I felt better about things and picked up the mop again. I realized this would be the last time I would step foot in that big old house. I was sad, but only for a moment. Tag would have never let me stay still for very long, so I began to look forward to my newest adventure. I will file the wind whispers from that house in my mind music for another day. There are stories to tell from there, I am sure of it.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Easter!!!
Easter is my all time favorite holiday. I love the green grass to hide eggs in and the clear sky in which to bring lots of sunlight. I love the Easter flowers and the buds on the trees, I love having family dinner together but mostly I love the fact that all of these great things are gifts from my Lord and Savior. Thank you, God for sending your precious Son to die for my soul. Praise be your name because just like the flowers, He has risen and He is Alive!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Too busy
So much to do still, and so little time. I am just " putting one foot in front of the other" in hopes that eventually I will end up where I am supposed to be. I will not post for a couple of days because we will be in the process of moving. Thankfully after this weekend I might be back to normal. I need to send out a special "thank you" to those very special. People who have loved me even though I have been somewhat preoccupied and unable to give my undivided attention to you. I promise to make it up to you. Until then, have a blessed weekend.
Crazy talk...
Little story:
This morning, I was standing in my library with boxes surrounding me, I was tapping one foot while waiting on Comanche to finally leave the mirror so we could get on our way to school. I was already running behind and we all know that I am not very good at breaking rules - even the ones I impose upon myself.
So, I am standing there and all of a sudden, I hear my voice reverberating off the empty walls. I am hearing my voice get louder and louder and I wonder who is screaming. When I realize it is me, I am horrified at the thought that I have been yelling at my son. I didn't curse, I didn't call names, but the octave of screaming was unbearable to even my own ears.
I immediately feel the rush of tears as I contemplate what I am becoming. In the thirty or so seconds of self reflection, I knew that I was scared of completely losing every ounce of dignity within me. I feel guilt, I feel shame, I feel sick to my stomach.
In slow motion, I watch Comanche turn from the mirror, remove the ear bud out of his ear and say, "What? were you talking?"
I guess in retrospect, I can appreciate the fact that I am my worst critic. However, I am sure the look on my face was one of absolute confusion - or maybe a more painful awareness in my eyes.
I didn't realize I was invisible, but now that I know - at least I can deal with that. I also know that I will probably delete this post at some point in the future, because I am not an avid fan of "poor ginger days", but for just these few moments I am going to allow myself to be weak and maybe I will give in to the impulsive-throw-myself-on-the-bed-and-cry urge....although, I don't really see myself going that far with it.
Actually - I think I am over it.
This morning, I was standing in my library with boxes surrounding me, I was tapping one foot while waiting on Comanche to finally leave the mirror so we could get on our way to school. I was already running behind and we all know that I am not very good at breaking rules - even the ones I impose upon myself.
So, I am standing there and all of a sudden, I hear my voice reverberating off the empty walls. I am hearing my voice get louder and louder and I wonder who is screaming. When I realize it is me, I am horrified at the thought that I have been yelling at my son. I didn't curse, I didn't call names, but the octave of screaming was unbearable to even my own ears.
I immediately feel the rush of tears as I contemplate what I am becoming. In the thirty or so seconds of self reflection, I knew that I was scared of completely losing every ounce of dignity within me. I feel guilt, I feel shame, I feel sick to my stomach.
In slow motion, I watch Comanche turn from the mirror, remove the ear bud out of his ear and say, "What? were you talking?"
I guess in retrospect, I can appreciate the fact that I am my worst critic. However, I am sure the look on my face was one of absolute confusion - or maybe a more painful awareness in my eyes.
I didn't realize I was invisible, but now that I know - at least I can deal with that. I also know that I will probably delete this post at some point in the future, because I am not an avid fan of "poor ginger days", but for just these few moments I am going to allow myself to be weak and maybe I will give in to the impulsive-throw-myself-on-the-bed-and-cry urge....although, I don't really see myself going that far with it.
Actually - I think I am over it.
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