Resolutions

I can honestly say that I have never really stuck to a New Year's resolution before...but I feel this is the year. First, I want to work on my relationships. Not just any relationships; the ones that mean the most. For example, my relationship with God, family, and close friends. In that order. Another thing I want to do is to be happy with me. I am not mad at me or anything, or really even disappointed in me, but I think things can ALWAYS improve. I am not going to promise to quit drinking Dr. Pepper, smoking, or even promise that I will work out every day and lose those unwanted pounds. Those resolutions seem immaterial to me. I am going to cut out excess baggage, though. Things that take my focus from God, family, and friends. If it ain't working, it is gone (and with very little remorse). I look forward to 2009 and being the person that I am meant to be. Happy New Year to you and Happy New Year to me. We deserve it!

Friendship

I have the blessing of having the best friends. Most people are lucky to have two or three people they can call in the middle of the night when in need. I am so incredibly fortunate to have several friends. This wasn't the case a few years back. Even in middle school and high school I was pretty reserved and VERY picky about who I hung out with. From 8th grade until 11th grade I had one true friend. She was the first to see me. We had other acquaintances, but we were exclusive to each other. We were originally two of four friends. The other two girls were horribly shunned as we approached high school. This was really mean and I can't imagine what we were thinking (or not). Anyway - one of those friendships is on the mend, and I am sincerely happy to know that friend again. She makes me smile. As I have grown older, I have acquired more than the one friend (she will always be welcome to call me in the middle of the night when she needs something) but so can my grown up friends. I have truly been fortunate to find several friends from school (via facebook / myspace) and keep in contact with them. I also have my army friends - who you know without a shadow of a doubt you can call with an emergency - with whom I still keep in contact with. Then I have my Derby girls. I simply couldn't function without one of them. I also have a great friend, who is sincere and genuine and keeps my feet on the ground. Without saying, I have my very best friend as my husband. He is completely my knight in shining armor and has saved my butt countless times. My mom ranks right up there with him and then so does my son. So - overall friendship is an important aspect of my life. This makes me ponder what I have been giving to these relationships. Do I listen to them well enough? Do I take the time to tell them how special they are? Can I do more for them? I am meeting my Derby girls for lunch today and will ask them - they are sure to let me know the truth.

Being ALIVE!

Recently, a friend and I were talking and I said, "Ya know, I am closer to 40 than 30." I am sure my friend said something in response, but I had already stuck a nerve within myself so I retreated to that favorite place of mine - my mind - to ponder life. As I was thinking about life, in general, it also hit me that I have done a few fabulous things in my time. For example, I enlisted into the Army when I was 18, I met and married a FABULOUS man, we were stationed in Germany for three years, I have a GORGEOUS son (who coincidentally gets more beautiful every day of his almost 15 years), I have inherited a step daughter who even at two years old was amazingly stunning (and will soon be 18!), I have a fantastic job where I get to teach 12 and 13 year old kids how to write and read the English language. In May, I will graduate with a Master's in British and American Literature. I have a book in the works that I am mystified over. I have bled and cried and begged forgiveness, wanted and needed, was satisfied, slept and woke, and a thousand other life-things to be proud of. So, when forty gets here ( in just three and a half short years), I will say, "Welcome!" "I haven't met you before, but I am sure I will like you." ***Note for those of you who know me very well at all - those words have NEVER come out of my mouth before so this is a big step for me.*** Then maybe I will introduce my twenty something self to my thirty something self and... and just maybe I will invite my forty something self in for a little chat. Until then, you had better believe that I will enjoy being thirty something for a while longer. Why not?

Church

Okay - you know how your day is going when you sit in church, trying to pay attention, and from out of no where you hear the loudest, most hideous noise rumbling from your stomach. You know it is coming, you feel your stomach wall grind against itself, and you have even tried swallowing your gum to keep this monster at bay. You glance around at the people beside you and think, "My husband will just laugh, (he is on the right) and your friend sitting on the left will politely ignore." But what about the twelve hundred or so outside of them? My stomach growled so loud the preacher glanced my way. Of course, I lifted my chin a little higher in defiance (you think this will throw the pack of glaring eyes off course) and tilted my head just a little to the right as if nothing could stop me from focusing on the task at hand. The problem here is not the one growl that escapes from your mid section. The first one seems to be the cork bottling up the roar coming more frequently now. Then I start to giggle. Of course, I personally think it is impossible to giggle quietly in church. My giggle turned into a full blown snort fest from trying to be quiet. I wonder if God is laughing too, because He has to have a humor. My preacher did not think it was funny, and I noticed my friend's shoulders moving up and down, but she would never mention it out loud. As for my husband, it must have been a good message because he didn't even notice. I think my day will end up okay, just so long as I get some food in my stomach and find someplace where a good hearty snort is more appreciated. Enjoy your Sunday, keep your family close and appreciate the great things in life.

Weather...wow!

I love a good thunderstorm. I mean, a really good roar of thunder, the whip and crack of the lightning, and the small threat of something happening. I have always loved nature's way of reminding us of our human mortality. The intensity of the storm makes me wonder about my own intensity. I am a pretty intense person. I either give all of myself (to include my mind, body, heart) or absolutely nothing at all. Maybe this is why I am so in tune with the weather. Growing up in Oklahoma only intensified my own intensity. Watching the sky unleash the best and worst of itself taught me to do the very same. If I believed in past lives, I would swear I was a tornado. I have the timing of a tornado to be sure. I come in like a raging lion and once that mood has passed, then I am on to being as gentle as a lamb. Sometimes like the calm before the storm, I am just as quiet and seem to be gathering strength. How funny is that? The world around us provides us with so many answers to the secrets of life, and yet we are either too busy or too focused on something else, or too whatever to notice.

Of course, I am all about completely ignoring winter weather. Seriously, I would have been a bear in the previous life before being a tornado. I love to hibernate when the first leaf falls and not come out to sniff the perfect air until the week before Easter. That first daffodil smell would wake me up and make my heart beat faster in anticipation of the coming warmth. A perfect day for me is truly that day that wakes you up with the morning sun and a slight breath of air that whispers for you to make it to the porch. Once there, you prop your feet up and bask in the sunlight. You stay there with your morning drink of choice (sometimes water, sometimes coffee, and on glorious days a glass of Dr. Pepper) until the air caresses your cheek with a warm tone of gold and then you realize that your favorite book is over and still you sit. As the afternoon progresses, you realize that the summer storm is coming over the horizon and you smell the first rain drop kiss the greenest grass. THAT is a perfect day.

Why "Mind Music"?

I have spent my entire life wondering why my brothers (all three of them) and my father have this uncanny way with music. I mean, it doesn't matter what they pick up - they instantly play whatever instrument in their hands. My father paid way more attention to his music than his family, which ultimately ended a 23 year marriage. Even though they have the same talent and love for music, they love their families more. I guess, in a way, mind music is my only gift falling under the category of music. I literally think instead of play. I suppose I could have picked up an instrument, and even took piano lessons in the 5th grade. The problem was, I didn't just sit down and have a divine gift from above. I am different than my brothers in that way. Being the only girl, I also needed a place to be quiet and not bothered. My mind seemed like as good a place as any to retreat from the pushing, shoving, yelling, hitting, poking, cursing, spitting, scratching, and overall boyness of our home. As it turns out, I am all grown up and still live in a house full of boys. My husband, Jeff, our son, Comanche, and our foreign exchange student from Korea, Alex, and finally our yellow lab, Bo. The music in my head keeps me sane. I have come to enjoy my mind music and felt the need to get some of it written down somewhere to make my mark on the world. Enjoy, and God bless.