Once upon a time, not so long ago...I would sleep in on Saturday morning. Upon my rise, I would go into the kitchen and see my mother sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, the bible, and a cigarette. Her hair would be in curlers, she would already by dressed for the day, and the house would have a clean scent from her early morning cleaning. One quick glance at the coffee pot would let me know whether or not it was safe to discuss any plans for the day. If the pot was full, then she hadn't had enough to make her civil, so any plans would be shot down. If the pot was closer to being empty, then the odds were better. Either way, it was our custom to sit and chat for a few minutes. We would talk about my week at school, the boys, her work, and whatever else came up. That was our special time. That relationship has carried through to my own family.
Today, I wake up early, straighten the house, and get around before anyone else. Normally, Comanche is the last one up, but we still have a few minutes to chat and discuss the day's activities. I write this now because last night it occurred to me that Comanche will only be in high school for three more years. This revelation came upon me when we made a trip to Wal-Mart to get a new remote control for his television.
We were standing in line, waiting for the cashier. Comanche was standing behind me and said, "Mom, stand up straight." I turned and looked dead into his chest and said, "I am." I turned back around because, well, because it hurts my heart that I can't eye ball him anymore. I heard him chuckle low in his chest, and then he said, "Really." I think he was saying it just to have something to say, but it struck a chord with me. I turned and said, "Really." Then I smiled because he had the most charming look on his face. He was so enchanted with himself, that I simply couldn't lay into him for being taller than me.
So today is Saturday, I am up before everyone else, and I am in anticipation of what Comanche will do and say today. I am not in a rush to make the house smell or even appear clean because he won't be up for hours, but I will get my Dr. Pepper (sans Coffee), and a cigarette. I will also grab the bible because I always need the Lord, and this morning I will say a special prayer and probably include the word "really" when talking to my God. He will understand, I am sure of it.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Family
As amazing as it seems - my family is comprised of unconditional love. I will start with my immediate family and GOD love them, because they love me unconditionally. My husband, Jeff, has seen me at my absolute worst and still, he loves me. My son, whom I hope NEVER sees me at my worst, loves me with absolutely no regard to any influences other than his own (unconditionally). Then there is my extended family: my mom (I simply could not function without her) taught me what unconditional love is..both through example and personal relationships. My brothers, though each one is unique in their love, also show love without barriers, thought, or judgements. My in-laws (or outlaws) whichever way you view your own, love me simply because I am me.
Having said all of that - I firmly believe there have been times when all of the above mentioned have not liked me. You might ask how this is possible and in my mind music it all makes perfect sense. Read on for further clarification and examples.
Jeff doesn't like me when I dig my heels in the ground and won't budge. I will not be swayed no matter how wrong he thinks I am. I didn't say that I would explain my own actions, I said I would give you examples of how dislike and love can exist in the same time continuum. Jeff didn't like my actions, but ultimately he loves me because of my inner self that creates those particular actions. Kind of like "the means justify the ends" theory.
Comanche doesn't like me when I ground him for poor decisions on his part. He loves my ability to structure his life, he just doesn't like the end result when it turns out to not be in his favor - this would be the "ends justifying the means".
Mom didn't like me when I was about 16 and spent countless hours scheming ways that I could get around her authority. I can't say that I blame her (now that I have my own), but she loved me because of the possibilities and potential that she knew existed within me. FYI she didn't like my poddy mouth when I was in the Army, either, but she loved the mouth that those words came out of and the heart that felt passionately about whatever I was cursing about.
Mac didn't like me when I wouldn't cower in front of him when he came home from Germany one time. (Coincidentally, guys almost ALWAYS hit harder than girls - so don't try this at home). Anyway - when push came to shove, he loved my spirit and willingness to follow through even though it meant a certain amount of pain for me. And, it never hurts to give the one you are proud of their first diamond ring.
Ron didn't like me when ...well, hhmmm....I can honestly say that I can 't think of a time when Ron has not been on my side. I will have to come back to that because my mind music can't retrieve that particular song.
Steve didn't like me when I was bossing him around and trying like heck to ignore him. He loved me (or he wouldn't have wanted to be around me) even though I almost killed him on several occasions. I guess that means he loved my creative abilities. I know he didn't like me when I told him to stop talking (he was four) because the booger on his face was growing with every move of his mouth. **Note to self - call Steve and apologize BIG.*** However, he loved me because once I realized what a treasure he was - I couldn't (and still can't) get enough of him.
As for the in laws - WELL, I am quite sure they didn't appreciate my taking their baby from them and marrying him without even a note to let them know. As for now, they have learned to love me because I love them.
As a by-note - I can't leave out my Aunt Jody. Uh-hum. I can't really go into detail about when she disliked me because of legal implications (she absolutely knows what I am talking about) but I don't need to say how she MUST have loved me unconditionally because she continued to take me with her to all those really cool concerts.
I love all of them with unconditional heart, smiles, happiness, and joy. So - the feelings are definitely reciprocated.
Having said all of that - I firmly believe there have been times when all of the above mentioned have not liked me. You might ask how this is possible and in my mind music it all makes perfect sense. Read on for further clarification and examples.
Jeff doesn't like me when I dig my heels in the ground and won't budge. I will not be swayed no matter how wrong he thinks I am. I didn't say that I would explain my own actions, I said I would give you examples of how dislike and love can exist in the same time continuum. Jeff didn't like my actions, but ultimately he loves me because of my inner self that creates those particular actions. Kind of like "the means justify the ends" theory.
Comanche doesn't like me when I ground him for poor decisions on his part. He loves my ability to structure his life, he just doesn't like the end result when it turns out to not be in his favor - this would be the "ends justifying the means".
Mom didn't like me when I was about 16 and spent countless hours scheming ways that I could get around her authority. I can't say that I blame her (now that I have my own), but she loved me because of the possibilities and potential that she knew existed within me. FYI she didn't like my poddy mouth when I was in the Army, either, but she loved the mouth that those words came out of and the heart that felt passionately about whatever I was cursing about.
Mac didn't like me when I wouldn't cower in front of him when he came home from Germany one time. (Coincidentally, guys almost ALWAYS hit harder than girls - so don't try this at home). Anyway - when push came to shove, he loved my spirit and willingness to follow through even though it meant a certain amount of pain for me. And, it never hurts to give the one you are proud of their first diamond ring.
Ron didn't like me when ...well, hhmmm....I can honestly say that I can 't think of a time when Ron has not been on my side. I will have to come back to that because my mind music can't retrieve that particular song.
Steve didn't like me when I was bossing him around and trying like heck to ignore him. He loved me (or he wouldn't have wanted to be around me) even though I almost killed him on several occasions. I guess that means he loved my creative abilities. I know he didn't like me when I told him to stop talking (he was four) because the booger on his face was growing with every move of his mouth. **Note to self - call Steve and apologize BIG.*** However, he loved me because once I realized what a treasure he was - I couldn't (and still can't) get enough of him.
As for the in laws - WELL, I am quite sure they didn't appreciate my taking their baby from them and marrying him without even a note to let them know. As for now, they have learned to love me because I love them.
As a by-note - I can't leave out my Aunt Jody. Uh-hum. I can't really go into detail about when she disliked me because of legal implications (she absolutely knows what I am talking about) but I don't need to say how she MUST have loved me unconditionally because she continued to take me with her to all those really cool concerts.
I love all of them with unconditional heart, smiles, happiness, and joy. So - the feelings are definitely reciprocated.
Months go by...
So - the last time I wrote, my son turned 15. The very next day - BOOM. Power outages, ice storms, trees crashing on the house, people rushing for generators and bottled water. I don't mind to tell you that the first night seemed to last an eternity. Because we had no electricity and the temperature was in the single digits, we all piled mattresses in the library (the only room in the house with a wood burning fireplace). We listened as our park-like trees were cracking under the pressure of the ice. It appeared as if when the first one fell, the rest were like dominoes and continued one after the other. Eventually, we would drift to sleep and CRASH, the trees would hit some part of the house. We have a massive house so when it rattled, my nerves would stand straight up on end. We lost several gutters, part of the roof, and sadly, my greenhouse. Even worse, our dog's dog house is placed under the biggest tree and when first light hit the next morning, I noticed he was standing under what looked to be a chandelier of glass. The tinkling sound the limbs made when they touched each other was too much for me. I took a calculated risk and ran under the tree to get him. He stayed with us for the next few days, because there was nothing that could be done in the meantime. Of course we forgot that the sump pump in the attic needed electricity, so when I went downstairs to get another flashlight...four inches of water met me at the bottom of the stairs. Naturally, I freaked...it was dark and I wasn't sure what the heck I had stepped in. Poor Jeff asked me if I had good news yet. So - we did what anyone living like the characters from Little House on the Prairie did and got in the four wheel drive, made a trip to the hardware store, and recreated what we considered to be the best sizes for the sump pump pipes that we had to now replace. That only took most of the day, and then we hooked it up to the generator. We rotated the sump pump and the refrigerator...which ended up being useless because you never know what has gone bad and what hasn't.
We were out of school for the rest of the week and on a delay when we did go back. I can only imagine what some of my students went through. As it turns out, we were fortunate. We had each other, some common sense, and a little ingenuity, and a ton of prayer to our Heavenly Father to get us through. I can't imagine having problems of any size and not being able to take them to the Lord. I just can't.
Anyway - all is well now. The adjuster has been here twice, the insurance is paying for most, and we have hauled off (in excess) of 13 loads of trees/limbs so far. The yard looks some better, but that doesn't even make a dent in it. Every weekend since then, we have wanted to work some more on the trees, but the weather still does not want to cooperate. It is either raining, snowing, or below freezing on the days we can work on it. I suppose we will wait until Spring finally gets here. That stupid little rodent from Pennsylvania says six weeks. I guess we will see. Coincidentally, the big news now is that the Almanac predicted that particular ice storm to the day, and has also predicted another one in a couple of weeks! I don't know how much stock to put in it - but Mom says she took all of her kids off the bottle according to the almanac. I didn't really want to hear that so I changed the topic.
Anyway - that is what we are up to and for those of you who have missed my mind music, I can assure you that the music never stopped - it may have been humbled - but it never stopped.
We were out of school for the rest of the week and on a delay when we did go back. I can only imagine what some of my students went through. As it turns out, we were fortunate. We had each other, some common sense, and a little ingenuity, and a ton of prayer to our Heavenly Father to get us through. I can't imagine having problems of any size and not being able to take them to the Lord. I just can't.
Anyway - all is well now. The adjuster has been here twice, the insurance is paying for most, and we have hauled off (in excess) of 13 loads of trees/limbs so far. The yard looks some better, but that doesn't even make a dent in it. Every weekend since then, we have wanted to work some more on the trees, but the weather still does not want to cooperate. It is either raining, snowing, or below freezing on the days we can work on it. I suppose we will wait until Spring finally gets here. That stupid little rodent from Pennsylvania says six weeks. I guess we will see. Coincidentally, the big news now is that the Almanac predicted that particular ice storm to the day, and has also predicted another one in a couple of weeks! I don't know how much stock to put in it - but Mom says she took all of her kids off the bottle according to the almanac. I didn't really want to hear that so I changed the topic.
Anyway - that is what we are up to and for those of you who have missed my mind music, I can assure you that the music never stopped - it may have been humbled - but it never stopped.
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