15 years ago today...

So - 15 years ago today I was looking down into the eyes of my son. After an exhausting night of labor and delivery, my baby boy was put into my arms and it was love at first sight. Actually, on my part it was love at first flutter, but who knows what he was thinking. I have asked myself that on many occasions these last 15 years.."What is he THINKING?" But nevertheless, he is my life, my love, my heart, my every thought. He is Comanche. In 15 years you would think I would be able to get used to the idea of being a mom - but I truly believe that each day I am supposed to learn something about parenting. The good Lord knows I get tested every so often, and with that in mind - I feel the need to worry about his being 16 next year. A very good family friend visited last night with his new car (he turned 16 yesterday) and the car looked just like the driver..athletic and sleek at the same time. I began to feel my heart thumping a little harder in anticipation of Comanche's getting behind the wheel. Then I reminded myself that we all go through it and thanked God for parents who let their children learn how to properly drive. As for this birthday - I can't wait to hear him play the drums (and use the new symbols). I took him to the music store and let him pick up some other essential items...or at least I guess they were essential items. He seems to know so much more about that stuff than I. Anyway - it all went with his drums but the point to my sharing this is that he LET me take him to the music store. I don't want that to sound retarded or that he is rotten - what I mean to say is that he LET me be a part of his life that is important to him. I felt very honored and humbled. As much as I want to see the little boy sliding down the slide, or feel the sweet sugars given to me every morning before the juice cup against the brow, I have to realize that he is growing up and has special interests that are uniquely his. He stands proud in his beliefs, he has a good solid head on his shoulders, he can outwit and out think the best of 'em, and he can certainly make me smile. He deserves to be exactly who he is. I love that boy with all of my heart.

Bubble Baths...

Heavenly, sensual, peaceful, relaxing, girly, and oh so pleasant! These are synonyms for bubble baths. While I was soaking in the tub, surrounded by flowery candles, I was thinking about how soothing a nice bubble bath can be. It relaxes both the body and the mind; even if it is just for a little while. I closed my eyes and imagined what it must be like to be pampered all of the time. I wondered what I would miss the most of my present life of work, work, and work. That was all fine and well except that I would also miss out on why people need bubble baths to begin with. I mean, what would be the point? What would I "escape" from if I didn't have the trials and everyday-ness of living. I think I like things the way they are. I like having a house full of boys, and the constant raise of my eyebrows. I like that they like the shoot 'em up-blow'em up-movies, and the never ending beat of the drums in the basement, and the overall presence that my boys have. It certainly keeps things interesting and ya know what I like the most? I like that they playfully tease me about my being a girl, because they have NO CLUE what it must feel like to really want to sit still long enough to soak in a tub full of flowery smells and cloud-like bubbles. I can't remember which old movie star said something about the mystery of women and why anyone would want to give that mystery up, but I completely agree.

Books...and books...and more books

Okay - so I am a literature fanatic. I collect books, I read books (lots of books), I teach other people how to interpret books, and finally, I am writing a book. I adore the written words that lead into people's thoughts, feelings, emotions, and if I am very lucky, I will learn something along the way about humanity and on some level, about myself. Here in lies the problem, the book I am writing could be the story of any woman on the planet. Which may or may not be a big hit with the general population. On the one hand, we (generally speaking) want to know that we are not alone in our plight, we also want some company to share our lives with; preferably someone who understands us. On the other hand - we also want to know that we are making our mark on the world. One that no one before us has ever tread upon. Is this possible when writing about people? I feel certain my characters are worthy of the read, and even their journeys in life are more than interesting, but aren't we all in that same boat? Don't we all have interesting lives? Maybe we don't see ourselves as interesting, but someone out there might. Here is another dilemma. Having the desire to put your heart and hard work out there for others to judge. I haven't yet started the process of being out there, but it is always in the back of my mind. How can it not be? Questions form in the hidden part of my brain like, "Am I good enough?" "Is my meaning clear?" (This question forms simply because I teach English.) " Will I be able to make at least one person laugh, cry, or rage? " Who knows, right? I won't know until we (my characters and myself) are out there. I guess I will just keep plugging along and put this where it belongs...in God's hands. Only He really knows what our pathways lead to and He is just awesome enough to love us in spite of ourselves.

First Blog of 2009

I am, so far, pleased with 2009. I have only been a part of it for about 10 hours, but still I am pleasantly surprised. I was able to finally sleep in (until 8:00) which made me VERY happy, I ate my cabbage in the form of an eggroll, and have spent this evening watching three men replace the ceiling fan and lights in my library. Nice, clean entertainment. My family is all home, the house is nice and clean, the cat and the dog are behaving, and my fireplace is providing a very pleasant mood for my blogging and then reading. I haven't felt the need to starve myself (normally this would be a HUGE thing for the first of the new year), I have had my required water intake, and I am actually looking forward to a nice long weekend before school starts again on Monday. I am planned all the way through until the end of May, I have a good two weeks before WKU starts back up - but I will be finished in May, so it doesn't really bother me to go to school this semester, and life is pretty darn good right now. I promise myself to not tense up and wait for the "other shoe to fall". I will not concern myself with yesterday's problems, or even tomorrow's problems. I will only bask in this very good moment right now.