Have you ever had a rhetorical question thrown at you? You know, the ones that go "Are you stupid?" You almost always can't win - no matter what you do. You could reply with "no" but then you really would be stupid for giving the question any amount of attention, and if you said, "yes" then you have admitted the obvious. The same goes with what I call rhetorical situations.
Recently, I was in a no win situation that just really made me ponder why people expect anything at all out of you. If you remain true to yourself, then you are mean spirited for being brutally honest. OR if you refrain from being who you are, then you feel terrible inside and like you have sold yourself (and your beliefs) out. What IS it that people expect? If they know anything about you at all - shouldn't they learn from personal history how things will turn out? I mean, really. I wouldn't normally consider myself a particularly hateful person (unless, of course provoked) but for giggles, let's take a closer look at the inner workings of my mind music.
My mind works like this: peace, harmony, and serenity (complete with pretty butterflies and green grass) UNTIL a heart string gets snagged. The snagging can come from a sad movie (usually dogs or horses are involved), or friends being wrongfully treated, or a family member is threatened in anyway. When these things happen on the outside, my heart triggers my mind and IT IS ON. I can turn on a dime. I can go from sweet and caring to instantly venomous and in search of the nearest jugular. I don't think this is unusually abnormal, do you? I think in these same kind of situations, we would all pretty much react the same way.
I am expressing all of this because I think it is important to reflect on recent incidents and somehow vindicate my own actions. If someone in my life thought I needed help - I would expect nothing short of the world coming to a stop and my problems being fixed immediately, or at least acknowledged as a major life altering event. I would not expect it from people who are merely acquaintances, or even people who think they know me. I mean the people I allow in my life by MY choice. I took this kind of action for someone and feel relatively good about it, except for it kind of turned into a rhetorical situation. I was either wrong for being me, or I was wrong for not being me.
I wonder if this is some kind of test put forth because those people who are under that umbrella in my life needed to be loved in the real way or if I am supposed to walk away thinking, "That was a good lesson for me to learn, Grasshopper. Thanks."
Seeing as how I am not accustomed to talking to tiny insects, I am just going to assume it is the first option. Either way - I will end this with that rhetorical situation. I seem to be good at those lately.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Spring Break
Today is the last official day of Spring Break. I chose to remain in Kentucky for several reasons: (1) Surgery recovery, (2) Oral Comps - that didn't work out, and (3) I am (for the most part) a home body.
I was able to get quite a bit of rest, and was also able to get quite a bit of studying done and a paper finished. However, I was only able to play outside in the garden one day because the rest of the time it was either raining or too wet after recent rains. The inside of my house never looked better, and I still managed to make it to the tanning bed to get some of those much needed ultraviolet rays.
The most important thing I did over the break was spend time with Comanche and Alex. Alex will be leaving us soon (which I just can't talk about right now) and Comanche will soon start his job. That leaves very little time for us. I have mixed feelings about all of this because on the one hand, I am so very proud of my son. He is an outstanding person and I wish I could take credit for it, but only God has the power to adequately raise a son. On the other hand, I want him to stay young for as long as possible. In three very short years, my baby will go off to college - then where will I be? I suppose the natural order of things is to sit back and enjoy the fruits of labor with Jeff.
It is funny how memories keep popping up when I think about life here without Comanche's everyday presence. Once, the three of us were eating at Red Lobster. Comanche was about 5 and was very tired so he laid his head in my lap at the table. I looked down and smiled at his precious baby face just as he asked me to marry him. I tried very hard to overcome the explosion in my heart because I knew that I had to let him down seriously but with love and compassion. Comanche was very rarely a child - he always had grown up conversations. So I explained (very gently) that I was already married to his daddy and that we were very much in love. Comanche became very pensive and quiet, but I felt sure he was okay because he kept his head in my lap. We finished eating and after paying the check got up to leave. Comanche grabbed my purse, slung it over his tiny shoulder, and dramatically sashayed out of Red Lobster. (His tiny baby butt was swinging as far left and then right as he could possibly swing.) As we were hitting the door, he turned to me and said, "I bet Dad would never do THIS for you." I turned to look at Jeff and noticed the three elderly ladies walking behind us. Apparently, they had been sitting at a table near us and had overheard the marriage conversation because one of them smiled and said, "I would marry the guy who wanted to carry my purse for me."
I was able to get quite a bit of rest, and was also able to get quite a bit of studying done and a paper finished. However, I was only able to play outside in the garden one day because the rest of the time it was either raining or too wet after recent rains. The inside of my house never looked better, and I still managed to make it to the tanning bed to get some of those much needed ultraviolet rays.
The most important thing I did over the break was spend time with Comanche and Alex. Alex will be leaving us soon (which I just can't talk about right now) and Comanche will soon start his job. That leaves very little time for us. I have mixed feelings about all of this because on the one hand, I am so very proud of my son. He is an outstanding person and I wish I could take credit for it, but only God has the power to adequately raise a son. On the other hand, I want him to stay young for as long as possible. In three very short years, my baby will go off to college - then where will I be? I suppose the natural order of things is to sit back and enjoy the fruits of labor with Jeff.
It is funny how memories keep popping up when I think about life here without Comanche's everyday presence. Once, the three of us were eating at Red Lobster. Comanche was about 5 and was very tired so he laid his head in my lap at the table. I looked down and smiled at his precious baby face just as he asked me to marry him. I tried very hard to overcome the explosion in my heart because I knew that I had to let him down seriously but with love and compassion. Comanche was very rarely a child - he always had grown up conversations. So I explained (very gently) that I was already married to his daddy and that we were very much in love. Comanche became very pensive and quiet, but I felt sure he was okay because he kept his head in my lap. We finished eating and after paying the check got up to leave. Comanche grabbed my purse, slung it over his tiny shoulder, and dramatically sashayed out of Red Lobster. (His tiny baby butt was swinging as far left and then right as he could possibly swing.) As we were hitting the door, he turned to me and said, "I bet Dad would never do THIS for you." I turned to look at Jeff and noticed the three elderly ladies walking behind us. Apparently, they had been sitting at a table near us and had overheard the marriage conversation because one of them smiled and said, "I would marry the guy who wanted to carry my purse for me."
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