On this 4th, I thought it would be acceptable to re-think freedom. I served in our nation's military force (US Army - hooahh) for a few years and enjoyed every single second. I made the decision to follow in my oldest brother's footsteps, and it saved me from a thousand different things - especially myself. As soon as I made it to my first duty station (Fort Rucker, AL), I met my now husband of 16 years. Wow - that seems like a long time. But anyway - when I made the decision to give up my personal freedoms and join in the ranks of those who dedicate their lives to the freedoms of others, I grew up. I am not sure if it had anything to do with the drill sergeants in basic training, or even those in AIT, but somewhere along the line I really did take it to heart that I was part of something bigger than me. I was part of something that had rules, regulations, chain of command, and even its share of problems. But I loved it. I loved putting that uniform on every day. I loved meeting all sorts of people from different nationalities, ethnic origins, and even those one-in-a-million pain in the butt type of people had an impact on our nation's freedom.
As I think about spending time with family and friends tomorrow, I will also be thinking and praying for those people who are still in the military, or have since joined. My nephews, (one Army, one Navy), have both recently joined and will soon understand freedom from the inside. Others, like my friends, the Hawkins, have recently come back from Germany after a full six year stint overseas. Our other friends, the Hedspeths, are currently living apart because Doug is in Iraq while his wife, Lori, and the kids are trying to keep up moral there at home in Washington State and countless other families and friends who we shared our lives with. These are the people who really make it happen. They are lifers and they know their jobs. I owe more than my freedom to these people who continue to serve. I owe my sanity to both families. We grew up together in the 'real' sense. We served together, we worked together, we played together, we had our families together, we spent holidays away from home together, and on Sundays, we would watch football together. We made our lives intertwine because we were doing the same mission - to protect America and her people.
So - on this 4th, when you are swimming, camping, playing horseshoes (or corn hole), grilling out, eating homemade ice cream, and watching fireworks, please take a moment to say a prayer for our military personnel and their families. These people deserve the very best and they don't ask for it. They do it because they love us, they believe in us, and they want us to continue to grow into a nation that understands freedom.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
37 and still kicking
This last Tuesday I turned 37. Uck. It doesn't even sound right, much less feel right. I can't be thirty-seven (did you notice I spelled it out in a lame attempt at making it look better). The reason I can't be you-know-what is because I am not yet ready to be, uh-hum, that age. I am still full of laughter. If you don't believe me, you can certainly ask anyone of my friends. They will tell you that I laugh at ridiculous things, simply to laugh. Like the time I was at the funeral home in Franklin. I went with my friend, Amy, on a week night. One of her relations was trying to show off her new purse and Amy ooohed and aaahed over the thing and then when the relation asked Amy if she knew the designer, Amy's face contorted and then she knew she had been busted, so she said, "I don't really know what you are talking about." Now, 37 year old people would have decorum and a tiny bit of grace when witnessing something like this; especially in a funeral home. Not me - I laughed until I snorted.
Also, I can't have been alive that long when I still want to do other things besides visit Wal-Mart on a Friday night. Although, I will readily admit that I have been seen there on a Friday night, it is with Jenny - when we feel an immediate need for something and no other place is open that can provide the need. (i.e., my kind of beer)
My point is - I still look at the world with wonder (mostly at people who can't possibly realize how twisted they appear), and like the fact that I still have just a tiny bit of innocence (pretend or not) in order to get my way. I am still very easily irritated - an older person has learned proper self discipline and is not in the habit of going for someone else's jugular in a moment of disgust.
All I am trying to say is that I am 37 and, quite frankly, feel 24. Too bad the dimples on my butt cheeks disagree. I am rolling my eyes as I say this because while I feel 24, my body is bound to disagree with everything I am saying. Oh well - tomorrow I will fight with it again at the gym and I am bound and determined to win this time. Until then - whatever.
Also, I can't have been alive that long when I still want to do other things besides visit Wal-Mart on a Friday night. Although, I will readily admit that I have been seen there on a Friday night, it is with Jenny - when we feel an immediate need for something and no other place is open that can provide the need. (i.e., my kind of beer)
My point is - I still look at the world with wonder (mostly at people who can't possibly realize how twisted they appear), and like the fact that I still have just a tiny bit of innocence (pretend or not) in order to get my way. I am still very easily irritated - an older person has learned proper self discipline and is not in the habit of going for someone else's jugular in a moment of disgust.
All I am trying to say is that I am 37 and, quite frankly, feel 24. Too bad the dimples on my butt cheeks disagree. I am rolling my eyes as I say this because while I feel 24, my body is bound to disagree with everything I am saying. Oh well - tomorrow I will fight with it again at the gym and I am bound and determined to win this time. Until then - whatever.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Day of Memorials - Lost or Fallen brothers and sisters
As this Memorial Day comes to a close, I wanted to take a moment and thank all of my brothers and sisters who have chosen to serve their country, communities, and fellow Americans. As a veteran of the Armed Forces, it is important to me that our country continues to stand strong and free. We couldn't be the nation we are today without the awesome love that comes from the ultimate sacrifices that are given everyday throughout the world from our soldiers. So, to the past, present, and future troops, "hoo-ya" and, to those of you that are currently serving (stateside and overseas)... I would like to thank you and your families for their sacrifices.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Sweet Nothingness
Occasionally, my mind music deserves a break. Now that I am officially finished taking graduate classes, and teaching seems to be winding down, I am able to give my mind that much needed aaahhhh that is so deserves. After church today, I was sitting on my porch swing, and realized that I was not thinking about the next paper that was due. I was not thinking about what was planned for my own students this week, nor was I thinking about where I was in my life. Honest to Pete, when I realized what I was thinking about...I laughed right out loud. I was watching my dog pant and wondering where all of that saliva comes from. Seriously, that is the truth! I LOVED IT! I quit laughing long enough to become aware that I didn't have anything major to think about and it felt GREAT! I took in one of those sighs that lets everything from your lungs to your toenails breathe. Here's the thing. I really don't know where the saliva from a panting dog comes from. I suppose if I were a true scholar, I would look it up...but I don't really care that much. I will continue to wonder about it though, because that is what sweet nothingness feels like and I am not ready to move onto the next big thing.
When I have to begin thinking again, I will think about the fact that my son has a job now, or how my brothers and their families are doing, or when Alex will be leaving (which is not going to go over well with any of us), or I guess I could think about summer time plans. But right now, I am perfectly content with the simple things in life. I don't want to think about those things...not today and not right now.
The birds are chirping, the sun is out (thank the Lord), and life is good.
When I have to begin thinking again, I will think about the fact that my son has a job now, or how my brothers and their families are doing, or when Alex will be leaving (which is not going to go over well with any of us), or I guess I could think about summer time plans. But right now, I am perfectly content with the simple things in life. I don't want to think about those things...not today and not right now.
The birds are chirping, the sun is out (thank the Lord), and life is good.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Rhetorical situations
Have you ever had a rhetorical question thrown at you? You know, the ones that go "Are you stupid?" You almost always can't win - no matter what you do. You could reply with "no" but then you really would be stupid for giving the question any amount of attention, and if you said, "yes" then you have admitted the obvious. The same goes with what I call rhetorical situations.
Recently, I was in a no win situation that just really made me ponder why people expect anything at all out of you. If you remain true to yourself, then you are mean spirited for being brutally honest. OR if you refrain from being who you are, then you feel terrible inside and like you have sold yourself (and your beliefs) out. What IS it that people expect? If they know anything about you at all - shouldn't they learn from personal history how things will turn out? I mean, really. I wouldn't normally consider myself a particularly hateful person (unless, of course provoked) but for giggles, let's take a closer look at the inner workings of my mind music.
My mind works like this: peace, harmony, and serenity (complete with pretty butterflies and green grass) UNTIL a heart string gets snagged. The snagging can come from a sad movie (usually dogs or horses are involved), or friends being wrongfully treated, or a family member is threatened in anyway. When these things happen on the outside, my heart triggers my mind and IT IS ON. I can turn on a dime. I can go from sweet and caring to instantly venomous and in search of the nearest jugular. I don't think this is unusually abnormal, do you? I think in these same kind of situations, we would all pretty much react the same way.
I am expressing all of this because I think it is important to reflect on recent incidents and somehow vindicate my own actions. If someone in my life thought I needed help - I would expect nothing short of the world coming to a stop and my problems being fixed immediately, or at least acknowledged as a major life altering event. I would not expect it from people who are merely acquaintances, or even people who think they know me. I mean the people I allow in my life by MY choice. I took this kind of action for someone and feel relatively good about it, except for it kind of turned into a rhetorical situation. I was either wrong for being me, or I was wrong for not being me.
I wonder if this is some kind of test put forth because those people who are under that umbrella in my life needed to be loved in the real way or if I am supposed to walk away thinking, "That was a good lesson for me to learn, Grasshopper. Thanks."
Seeing as how I am not accustomed to talking to tiny insects, I am just going to assume it is the first option. Either way - I will end this with that rhetorical situation. I seem to be good at those lately.
Recently, I was in a no win situation that just really made me ponder why people expect anything at all out of you. If you remain true to yourself, then you are mean spirited for being brutally honest. OR if you refrain from being who you are, then you feel terrible inside and like you have sold yourself (and your beliefs) out. What IS it that people expect? If they know anything about you at all - shouldn't they learn from personal history how things will turn out? I mean, really. I wouldn't normally consider myself a particularly hateful person (unless, of course provoked) but for giggles, let's take a closer look at the inner workings of my mind music.
My mind works like this: peace, harmony, and serenity (complete with pretty butterflies and green grass) UNTIL a heart string gets snagged. The snagging can come from a sad movie (usually dogs or horses are involved), or friends being wrongfully treated, or a family member is threatened in anyway. When these things happen on the outside, my heart triggers my mind and IT IS ON. I can turn on a dime. I can go from sweet and caring to instantly venomous and in search of the nearest jugular. I don't think this is unusually abnormal, do you? I think in these same kind of situations, we would all pretty much react the same way.
I am expressing all of this because I think it is important to reflect on recent incidents and somehow vindicate my own actions. If someone in my life thought I needed help - I would expect nothing short of the world coming to a stop and my problems being fixed immediately, or at least acknowledged as a major life altering event. I would not expect it from people who are merely acquaintances, or even people who think they know me. I mean the people I allow in my life by MY choice. I took this kind of action for someone and feel relatively good about it, except for it kind of turned into a rhetorical situation. I was either wrong for being me, or I was wrong for not being me.
I wonder if this is some kind of test put forth because those people who are under that umbrella in my life needed to be loved in the real way or if I am supposed to walk away thinking, "That was a good lesson for me to learn, Grasshopper. Thanks."
Seeing as how I am not accustomed to talking to tiny insects, I am just going to assume it is the first option. Either way - I will end this with that rhetorical situation. I seem to be good at those lately.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Spring Break
Today is the last official day of Spring Break. I chose to remain in Kentucky for several reasons: (1) Surgery recovery, (2) Oral Comps - that didn't work out, and (3) I am (for the most part) a home body.
I was able to get quite a bit of rest, and was also able to get quite a bit of studying done and a paper finished. However, I was only able to play outside in the garden one day because the rest of the time it was either raining or too wet after recent rains. The inside of my house never looked better, and I still managed to make it to the tanning bed to get some of those much needed ultraviolet rays.
The most important thing I did over the break was spend time with Comanche and Alex. Alex will be leaving us soon (which I just can't talk about right now) and Comanche will soon start his job. That leaves very little time for us. I have mixed feelings about all of this because on the one hand, I am so very proud of my son. He is an outstanding person and I wish I could take credit for it, but only God has the power to adequately raise a son. On the other hand, I want him to stay young for as long as possible. In three very short years, my baby will go off to college - then where will I be? I suppose the natural order of things is to sit back and enjoy the fruits of labor with Jeff.
It is funny how memories keep popping up when I think about life here without Comanche's everyday presence. Once, the three of us were eating at Red Lobster. Comanche was about 5 and was very tired so he laid his head in my lap at the table. I looked down and smiled at his precious baby face just as he asked me to marry him. I tried very hard to overcome the explosion in my heart because I knew that I had to let him down seriously but with love and compassion. Comanche was very rarely a child - he always had grown up conversations. So I explained (very gently) that I was already married to his daddy and that we were very much in love. Comanche became very pensive and quiet, but I felt sure he was okay because he kept his head in my lap. We finished eating and after paying the check got up to leave. Comanche grabbed my purse, slung it over his tiny shoulder, and dramatically sashayed out of Red Lobster. (His tiny baby butt was swinging as far left and then right as he could possibly swing.) As we were hitting the door, he turned to me and said, "I bet Dad would never do THIS for you." I turned to look at Jeff and noticed the three elderly ladies walking behind us. Apparently, they had been sitting at a table near us and had overheard the marriage conversation because one of them smiled and said, "I would marry the guy who wanted to carry my purse for me."
I was able to get quite a bit of rest, and was also able to get quite a bit of studying done and a paper finished. However, I was only able to play outside in the garden one day because the rest of the time it was either raining or too wet after recent rains. The inside of my house never looked better, and I still managed to make it to the tanning bed to get some of those much needed ultraviolet rays.
The most important thing I did over the break was spend time with Comanche and Alex. Alex will be leaving us soon (which I just can't talk about right now) and Comanche will soon start his job. That leaves very little time for us. I have mixed feelings about all of this because on the one hand, I am so very proud of my son. He is an outstanding person and I wish I could take credit for it, but only God has the power to adequately raise a son. On the other hand, I want him to stay young for as long as possible. In three very short years, my baby will go off to college - then where will I be? I suppose the natural order of things is to sit back and enjoy the fruits of labor with Jeff.
It is funny how memories keep popping up when I think about life here without Comanche's everyday presence. Once, the three of us were eating at Red Lobster. Comanche was about 5 and was very tired so he laid his head in my lap at the table. I looked down and smiled at his precious baby face just as he asked me to marry him. I tried very hard to overcome the explosion in my heart because I knew that I had to let him down seriously but with love and compassion. Comanche was very rarely a child - he always had grown up conversations. So I explained (very gently) that I was already married to his daddy and that we were very much in love. Comanche became very pensive and quiet, but I felt sure he was okay because he kept his head in my lap. We finished eating and after paying the check got up to leave. Comanche grabbed my purse, slung it over his tiny shoulder, and dramatically sashayed out of Red Lobster. (His tiny baby butt was swinging as far left and then right as he could possibly swing.) As we were hitting the door, he turned to me and said, "I bet Dad would never do THIS for you." I turned to look at Jeff and noticed the three elderly ladies walking behind us. Apparently, they had been sitting at a table near us and had overheard the marriage conversation because one of them smiled and said, "I would marry the guy who wanted to carry my purse for me."
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Recovering
Okay - I haven't been on in a while and I have a pretty good excuse this time. About two weeks ago, I drove myself to the emergency room because I didn't want my kid to wake up and find his mother dead on the floor. Jeff was out of town, so I left the boys sleeping and went to see what was causing my chest to explode from the inside out. I was given the standard EKG and chest x-rays, and thank the Lord, those came back normal. They asked me to drink some minty, chalky stuff, which tasted like Mylanta with a hint of bourbon. Still, nothing. As the pain ebbed away, I was allowed to go home and hook up with my family doctor. I went to see her, and she explained how cleaning up the mess after the ice storm pulls a very thin muscle across the sternum. I let this explanation in because in all truthfulness, I couldn't find time to deal with anything else. She also said it could be acid reflux.
I went home and back to normal everyday mind music stuff. Then, this last Friday evening I felt very similar to how I had felt originally on that Wednesday that I went to the E.R. Except, this time it was intensified by about 10%. Thankfully, Jeff was home and he took me back to the emergency room. We got there about 9:30 in the evening, I was admitted to the hospital at 2:00. I had emergency gallbladder surgery (cholycystectomy) around 10:00 ish Saturday morning.
As it turns out, God saw fit to make me re-evaluate my timing and imposed His own. One really needs to recognize that in this type of confrontation, it is truly futile to plead your case. I can just see my great God now, doing that little smirky grin thing, one eyebrow raised, and that dead-set-on-look that we give our own children when they think they know everything. The not-so-subtle sigh that immediately follows is just thrown in there for patience sake. Anyway - as always, the timing was better than what I had hoped for, because I have fabulous people that I work with (who incidentally have been bringing food to my house now since I have been home) and they have taken over my part of the work load as smoothly as if they have been doing without me for years. (ha ha - I have only been with them now for two.) I have an insurmountable amount of love and support from my family, and I really and truly thought I was going to get some much needed study time because I was to take my oral compositions on April the 1st.
Well, I had to cancel my orals due to someone that I don't feel is necessary to name here, and I was pretty disappointed about the whole thing. It just so happened that this particular news came on the day when the anesthesia was leaving my body and left me completely vulnerable. I cried.
Those of you that know me, realize that this isn't a normal, everyday act for me, so you might be surprised to know it - but it is true. I let myself cry and sob and heave until I remembered that I had some pretty tender spots on and in my belly. So I stopped crying.
Today - as I think about yesterday's emotional roller coaster, I have to wonder where my mind music was. Was I so hell bent on taking a test that I couldn't let the music in? Why would I be so self absorbed and more than that: why in the world would I EVER allow someone to make me feel that I wasn't important? I guess I should reconsider how all powerful God's timing really is. What is wrong with taking a few days and really rest and re-cooperate? Will the house not ever need to be cleaned again? Will the test still not exist? Will I not sleep in my bed tonight if it wasn't made today? How many times will I test God's patience with me? That is the real question. Maybe He is waiting on me to get down on my knees and have one of those long, soul-satisfying talks? Just maybe, He has missed me and this is His way of saying just how important I am to Him. I think that is exactly what I will do. Because, you know the real truth of the matter is this - He is the mind music. He didn't go anywhere, he was waiting for me to seek Him out and let Him know how special we are to each other.
I went home and back to normal everyday mind music stuff. Then, this last Friday evening I felt very similar to how I had felt originally on that Wednesday that I went to the E.R. Except, this time it was intensified by about 10%. Thankfully, Jeff was home and he took me back to the emergency room. We got there about 9:30 in the evening, I was admitted to the hospital at 2:00. I had emergency gallbladder surgery (cholycystectomy) around 10:00 ish Saturday morning.
As it turns out, God saw fit to make me re-evaluate my timing and imposed His own. One really needs to recognize that in this type of confrontation, it is truly futile to plead your case. I can just see my great God now, doing that little smirky grin thing, one eyebrow raised, and that dead-set-on-look that we give our own children when they think they know everything. The not-so-subtle sigh that immediately follows is just thrown in there for patience sake. Anyway - as always, the timing was better than what I had hoped for, because I have fabulous people that I work with (who incidentally have been bringing food to my house now since I have been home) and they have taken over my part of the work load as smoothly as if they have been doing without me for years. (ha ha - I have only been with them now for two.) I have an insurmountable amount of love and support from my family, and I really and truly thought I was going to get some much needed study time because I was to take my oral compositions on April the 1st.
Well, I had to cancel my orals due to someone that I don't feel is necessary to name here, and I was pretty disappointed about the whole thing. It just so happened that this particular news came on the day when the anesthesia was leaving my body and left me completely vulnerable. I cried.
Those of you that know me, realize that this isn't a normal, everyday act for me, so you might be surprised to know it - but it is true. I let myself cry and sob and heave until I remembered that I had some pretty tender spots on and in my belly. So I stopped crying.
Today - as I think about yesterday's emotional roller coaster, I have to wonder where my mind music was. Was I so hell bent on taking a test that I couldn't let the music in? Why would I be so self absorbed and more than that: why in the world would I EVER allow someone to make me feel that I wasn't important? I guess I should reconsider how all powerful God's timing really is. What is wrong with taking a few days and really rest and re-cooperate? Will the house not ever need to be cleaned again? Will the test still not exist? Will I not sleep in my bed tonight if it wasn't made today? How many times will I test God's patience with me? That is the real question. Maybe He is waiting on me to get down on my knees and have one of those long, soul-satisfying talks? Just maybe, He has missed me and this is His way of saying just how important I am to Him. I think that is exactly what I will do. Because, you know the real truth of the matter is this - He is the mind music. He didn't go anywhere, he was waiting for me to seek Him out and let Him know how special we are to each other.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Saturday Mornings
Once upon a time, not so long ago...I would sleep in on Saturday morning. Upon my rise, I would go into the kitchen and see my mother sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, the bible, and a cigarette. Her hair would be in curlers, she would already by dressed for the day, and the house would have a clean scent from her early morning cleaning. One quick glance at the coffee pot would let me know whether or not it was safe to discuss any plans for the day. If the pot was full, then she hadn't had enough to make her civil, so any plans would be shot down. If the pot was closer to being empty, then the odds were better. Either way, it was our custom to sit and chat for a few minutes. We would talk about my week at school, the boys, her work, and whatever else came up. That was our special time. That relationship has carried through to my own family.
Today, I wake up early, straighten the house, and get around before anyone else. Normally, Comanche is the last one up, but we still have a few minutes to chat and discuss the day's activities. I write this now because last night it occurred to me that Comanche will only be in high school for three more years. This revelation came upon me when we made a trip to Wal-Mart to get a new remote control for his television.
We were standing in line, waiting for the cashier. Comanche was standing behind me and said, "Mom, stand up straight." I turned and looked dead into his chest and said, "I am." I turned back around because, well, because it hurts my heart that I can't eye ball him anymore. I heard him chuckle low in his chest, and then he said, "Really." I think he was saying it just to have something to say, but it struck a chord with me. I turned and said, "Really." Then I smiled because he had the most charming look on his face. He was so enchanted with himself, that I simply couldn't lay into him for being taller than me.
So today is Saturday, I am up before everyone else, and I am in anticipation of what Comanche will do and say today. I am not in a rush to make the house smell or even appear clean because he won't be up for hours, but I will get my Dr. Pepper (sans Coffee), and a cigarette. I will also grab the bible because I always need the Lord, and this morning I will say a special prayer and probably include the word "really" when talking to my God. He will understand, I am sure of it.
Today, I wake up early, straighten the house, and get around before anyone else. Normally, Comanche is the last one up, but we still have a few minutes to chat and discuss the day's activities. I write this now because last night it occurred to me that Comanche will only be in high school for three more years. This revelation came upon me when we made a trip to Wal-Mart to get a new remote control for his television.
We were standing in line, waiting for the cashier. Comanche was standing behind me and said, "Mom, stand up straight." I turned and looked dead into his chest and said, "I am." I turned back around because, well, because it hurts my heart that I can't eye ball him anymore. I heard him chuckle low in his chest, and then he said, "Really." I think he was saying it just to have something to say, but it struck a chord with me. I turned and said, "Really." Then I smiled because he had the most charming look on his face. He was so enchanted with himself, that I simply couldn't lay into him for being taller than me.
So today is Saturday, I am up before everyone else, and I am in anticipation of what Comanche will do and say today. I am not in a rush to make the house smell or even appear clean because he won't be up for hours, but I will get my Dr. Pepper (sans Coffee), and a cigarette. I will also grab the bible because I always need the Lord, and this morning I will say a special prayer and probably include the word "really" when talking to my God. He will understand, I am sure of it.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Family
As amazing as it seems - my family is comprised of unconditional love. I will start with my immediate family and GOD love them, because they love me unconditionally. My husband, Jeff, has seen me at my absolute worst and still, he loves me. My son, whom I hope NEVER sees me at my worst, loves me with absolutely no regard to any influences other than his own (unconditionally). Then there is my extended family: my mom (I simply could not function without her) taught me what unconditional love is..both through example and personal relationships. My brothers, though each one is unique in their love, also show love without barriers, thought, or judgements. My in-laws (or outlaws) whichever way you view your own, love me simply because I am me.
Having said all of that - I firmly believe there have been times when all of the above mentioned have not liked me. You might ask how this is possible and in my mind music it all makes perfect sense. Read on for further clarification and examples.
Jeff doesn't like me when I dig my heels in the ground and won't budge. I will not be swayed no matter how wrong he thinks I am. I didn't say that I would explain my own actions, I said I would give you examples of how dislike and love can exist in the same time continuum. Jeff didn't like my actions, but ultimately he loves me because of my inner self that creates those particular actions. Kind of like "the means justify the ends" theory.
Comanche doesn't like me when I ground him for poor decisions on his part. He loves my ability to structure his life, he just doesn't like the end result when it turns out to not be in his favor - this would be the "ends justifying the means".
Mom didn't like me when I was about 16 and spent countless hours scheming ways that I could get around her authority. I can't say that I blame her (now that I have my own), but she loved me because of the possibilities and potential that she knew existed within me. FYI she didn't like my poddy mouth when I was in the Army, either, but she loved the mouth that those words came out of and the heart that felt passionately about whatever I was cursing about.
Mac didn't like me when I wouldn't cower in front of him when he came home from Germany one time. (Coincidentally, guys almost ALWAYS hit harder than girls - so don't try this at home). Anyway - when push came to shove, he loved my spirit and willingness to follow through even though it meant a certain amount of pain for me. And, it never hurts to give the one you are proud of their first diamond ring.
Ron didn't like me when ...well, hhmmm....I can honestly say that I can 't think of a time when Ron has not been on my side. I will have to come back to that because my mind music can't retrieve that particular song.
Steve didn't like me when I was bossing him around and trying like heck to ignore him. He loved me (or he wouldn't have wanted to be around me) even though I almost killed him on several occasions. I guess that means he loved my creative abilities. I know he didn't like me when I told him to stop talking (he was four) because the booger on his face was growing with every move of his mouth. **Note to self - call Steve and apologize BIG.*** However, he loved me because once I realized what a treasure he was - I couldn't (and still can't) get enough of him.
As for the in laws - WELL, I am quite sure they didn't appreciate my taking their baby from them and marrying him without even a note to let them know. As for now, they have learned to love me because I love them.
As a by-note - I can't leave out my Aunt Jody. Uh-hum. I can't really go into detail about when she disliked me because of legal implications (she absolutely knows what I am talking about) but I don't need to say how she MUST have loved me unconditionally because she continued to take me with her to all those really cool concerts.
I love all of them with unconditional heart, smiles, happiness, and joy. So - the feelings are definitely reciprocated.
Having said all of that - I firmly believe there have been times when all of the above mentioned have not liked me. You might ask how this is possible and in my mind music it all makes perfect sense. Read on for further clarification and examples.
Jeff doesn't like me when I dig my heels in the ground and won't budge. I will not be swayed no matter how wrong he thinks I am. I didn't say that I would explain my own actions, I said I would give you examples of how dislike and love can exist in the same time continuum. Jeff didn't like my actions, but ultimately he loves me because of my inner self that creates those particular actions. Kind of like "the means justify the ends" theory.
Comanche doesn't like me when I ground him for poor decisions on his part. He loves my ability to structure his life, he just doesn't like the end result when it turns out to not be in his favor - this would be the "ends justifying the means".
Mom didn't like me when I was about 16 and spent countless hours scheming ways that I could get around her authority. I can't say that I blame her (now that I have my own), but she loved me because of the possibilities and potential that she knew existed within me. FYI she didn't like my poddy mouth when I was in the Army, either, but she loved the mouth that those words came out of and the heart that felt passionately about whatever I was cursing about.
Mac didn't like me when I wouldn't cower in front of him when he came home from Germany one time. (Coincidentally, guys almost ALWAYS hit harder than girls - so don't try this at home). Anyway - when push came to shove, he loved my spirit and willingness to follow through even though it meant a certain amount of pain for me. And, it never hurts to give the one you are proud of their first diamond ring.
Ron didn't like me when ...well, hhmmm....I can honestly say that I can 't think of a time when Ron has not been on my side. I will have to come back to that because my mind music can't retrieve that particular song.
Steve didn't like me when I was bossing him around and trying like heck to ignore him. He loved me (or he wouldn't have wanted to be around me) even though I almost killed him on several occasions. I guess that means he loved my creative abilities. I know he didn't like me when I told him to stop talking (he was four) because the booger on his face was growing with every move of his mouth. **Note to self - call Steve and apologize BIG.*** However, he loved me because once I realized what a treasure he was - I couldn't (and still can't) get enough of him.
As for the in laws - WELL, I am quite sure they didn't appreciate my taking their baby from them and marrying him without even a note to let them know. As for now, they have learned to love me because I love them.
As a by-note - I can't leave out my Aunt Jody. Uh-hum. I can't really go into detail about when she disliked me because of legal implications (she absolutely knows what I am talking about) but I don't need to say how she MUST have loved me unconditionally because she continued to take me with her to all those really cool concerts.
I love all of them with unconditional heart, smiles, happiness, and joy. So - the feelings are definitely reciprocated.
Months go by...
So - the last time I wrote, my son turned 15. The very next day - BOOM. Power outages, ice storms, trees crashing on the house, people rushing for generators and bottled water. I don't mind to tell you that the first night seemed to last an eternity. Because we had no electricity and the temperature was in the single digits, we all piled mattresses in the library (the only room in the house with a wood burning fireplace). We listened as our park-like trees were cracking under the pressure of the ice. It appeared as if when the first one fell, the rest were like dominoes and continued one after the other. Eventually, we would drift to sleep and CRASH, the trees would hit some part of the house. We have a massive house so when it rattled, my nerves would stand straight up on end. We lost several gutters, part of the roof, and sadly, my greenhouse. Even worse, our dog's dog house is placed under the biggest tree and when first light hit the next morning, I noticed he was standing under what looked to be a chandelier of glass. The tinkling sound the limbs made when they touched each other was too much for me. I took a calculated risk and ran under the tree to get him. He stayed with us for the next few days, because there was nothing that could be done in the meantime. Of course we forgot that the sump pump in the attic needed electricity, so when I went downstairs to get another flashlight...four inches of water met me at the bottom of the stairs. Naturally, I freaked...it was dark and I wasn't sure what the heck I had stepped in. Poor Jeff asked me if I had good news yet. So - we did what anyone living like the characters from Little House on the Prairie did and got in the four wheel drive, made a trip to the hardware store, and recreated what we considered to be the best sizes for the sump pump pipes that we had to now replace. That only took most of the day, and then we hooked it up to the generator. We rotated the sump pump and the refrigerator...which ended up being useless because you never know what has gone bad and what hasn't.
We were out of school for the rest of the week and on a delay when we did go back. I can only imagine what some of my students went through. As it turns out, we were fortunate. We had each other, some common sense, and a little ingenuity, and a ton of prayer to our Heavenly Father to get us through. I can't imagine having problems of any size and not being able to take them to the Lord. I just can't.
Anyway - all is well now. The adjuster has been here twice, the insurance is paying for most, and we have hauled off (in excess) of 13 loads of trees/limbs so far. The yard looks some better, but that doesn't even make a dent in it. Every weekend since then, we have wanted to work some more on the trees, but the weather still does not want to cooperate. It is either raining, snowing, or below freezing on the days we can work on it. I suppose we will wait until Spring finally gets here. That stupid little rodent from Pennsylvania says six weeks. I guess we will see. Coincidentally, the big news now is that the Almanac predicted that particular ice storm to the day, and has also predicted another one in a couple of weeks! I don't know how much stock to put in it - but Mom says she took all of her kids off the bottle according to the almanac. I didn't really want to hear that so I changed the topic.
Anyway - that is what we are up to and for those of you who have missed my mind music, I can assure you that the music never stopped - it may have been humbled - but it never stopped.
We were out of school for the rest of the week and on a delay when we did go back. I can only imagine what some of my students went through. As it turns out, we were fortunate. We had each other, some common sense, and a little ingenuity, and a ton of prayer to our Heavenly Father to get us through. I can't imagine having problems of any size and not being able to take them to the Lord. I just can't.
Anyway - all is well now. The adjuster has been here twice, the insurance is paying for most, and we have hauled off (in excess) of 13 loads of trees/limbs so far. The yard looks some better, but that doesn't even make a dent in it. Every weekend since then, we have wanted to work some more on the trees, but the weather still does not want to cooperate. It is either raining, snowing, or below freezing on the days we can work on it. I suppose we will wait until Spring finally gets here. That stupid little rodent from Pennsylvania says six weeks. I guess we will see. Coincidentally, the big news now is that the Almanac predicted that particular ice storm to the day, and has also predicted another one in a couple of weeks! I don't know how much stock to put in it - but Mom says she took all of her kids off the bottle according to the almanac. I didn't really want to hear that so I changed the topic.
Anyway - that is what we are up to and for those of you who have missed my mind music, I can assure you that the music never stopped - it may have been humbled - but it never stopped.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
15 years ago today...
So - 15 years ago today I was looking down into the eyes of my son. After an exhausting night of labor and delivery, my baby boy was put into my arms and it was love at first sight. Actually, on my part it was love at first flutter, but who knows what he was thinking. I have asked myself that on many occasions these last 15 years.."What is he THINKING?" But nevertheless, he is my life, my love, my heart, my every thought. He is Comanche. In 15 years you would think I would be able to get used to the idea of being a mom - but I truly believe that each day I am supposed to learn something about parenting. The good Lord knows I get tested every so often, and with that in mind - I feel the need to worry about his being 16 next year. A very good family friend visited last night with his new car (he turned 16 yesterday) and the car looked just like the driver..athletic and sleek at the same time. I began to feel my heart thumping a little harder in anticipation of Comanche's getting behind the wheel. Then I reminded myself that we all go through it and thanked God for parents who let their children learn how to properly drive. As for this birthday - I can't wait to hear him play the drums (and use the new symbols). I took him to the music store and let him pick up some other essential items...or at least I guess they were essential items. He seems to know so much more about that stuff than I. Anyway - it all went with his drums but the point to my sharing this is that he LET me take him to the music store. I don't want that to sound retarded or that he is rotten - what I mean to say is that he LET me be a part of his life that is important to him. I felt very honored and humbled. As much as I want to see the little boy sliding down the slide, or feel the sweet sugars given to me every morning before the juice cup against the brow, I have to realize that he is growing up and has special interests that are uniquely his. He stands proud in his beliefs, he has a good solid head on his shoulders, he can outwit and out think the best of 'em, and he can certainly make me smile. He deserves to be exactly who he is. I love that boy with all of my heart.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Bubble Baths...
Heavenly, sensual, peaceful, relaxing, girly, and oh so pleasant! These are synonyms for bubble baths. While I was soaking in the tub, surrounded by flowery candles, I was thinking about how soothing a nice bubble bath can be. It relaxes both the body and the mind; even if it is just for a little while. I closed my eyes and imagined what it must be like to be pampered all of the time. I wondered what I would miss the most of my present life of work, work, and work. That was all fine and well except that I would also miss out on why people need bubble baths to begin with. I mean, what would be the point? What would I "escape" from if I didn't have the trials and everyday-ness of living. I think I like things the way they are. I like having a house full of boys, and the constant raise of my eyebrows. I like that they like the shoot 'em up-blow'em up-movies, and the never ending beat of the drums in the basement, and the overall presence that my boys have. It certainly keeps things interesting and ya know what I like the most? I like that they playfully tease me about my being a girl, because they have NO CLUE what it must feel like to really want to sit still long enough to soak in a tub full of flowery smells and cloud-like bubbles. I can't remember which old movie star said something about the mystery of women and why anyone would want to give that mystery up, but I completely agree.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Books...and books...and more books
Okay - so I am a literature fanatic. I collect books, I read books (lots of books), I teach other people how to interpret books, and finally, I am writing a book. I adore the written words that lead into people's thoughts, feelings, emotions, and if I am very lucky, I will learn something along the way about humanity and on some level, about myself. Here in lies the problem, the book I am writing could be the story of any woman on the planet. Which may or may not be a big hit with the general population. On the one hand, we (generally speaking) want to know that we are not alone in our plight, we also want some company to share our lives with; preferably someone who understands us. On the other hand - we also want to know that we are making our mark on the world. One that no one before us has ever tread upon. Is this possible when writing about people? I feel certain my characters are worthy of the read, and even their journeys in life are more than interesting, but aren't we all in that same boat? Don't we all have interesting lives? Maybe we don't see ourselves as interesting, but someone out there might. Here is another dilemma. Having the desire to put your heart and hard work out there for others to judge. I haven't yet started the process of being out there, but it is always in the back of my mind. How can it not be? Questions form in the hidden part of my brain like, "Am I good enough?" "Is my meaning clear?" (This question forms simply because I teach English.) " Will I be able to make at least one person laugh, cry, or rage? " Who knows, right? I won't know until we (my characters and myself) are out there. I guess I will just keep plugging along and put this where it belongs...in God's hands. Only He really knows what our pathways lead to and He is just awesome enough to love us in spite of ourselves.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
First Blog of 2009
I am, so far, pleased with 2009. I have only been a part of it for about 10 hours, but still I am pleasantly surprised. I was able to finally sleep in (until 8:00) which made me VERY happy, I ate my cabbage in the form of an eggroll, and have spent this evening watching three men replace the ceiling fan and lights in my library. Nice, clean entertainment. My family is all home, the house is nice and clean, the cat and the dog are behaving, and my fireplace is providing a very pleasant mood for my blogging and then reading. I haven't felt the need to starve myself (normally this would be a HUGE thing for the first of the new year), I have had my required water intake, and I am actually looking forward to a nice long weekend before school starts again on Monday. I am planned all the way through until the end of May, I have a good two weeks before WKU starts back up - but I will be finished in May, so it doesn't really bother me to go to school this semester, and life is pretty darn good right now. I promise myself to not tense up and wait for the "other shoe to fall". I will not concern myself with yesterday's problems, or even tomorrow's problems. I will only bask in this very good moment right now.
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