Again, another day in my mind music has led me to a place where I have to contemplate what will be. Of course, this could seriously be an extremely futile attempt at procrastinating. I am to the point now of insanity because a normal minded person would not be in this position, nor would they laugh and roll their eyes. I really don't know why I wake up sometimes and wonder how everything in the universe MUST be done right now. Why can't I figure out the middle of the road on the whole "taking life easy" concept? Why must I employ every single fiber of my being in every single thought and action? It is truly exhausting. Oh...never mind. I think it could be due to my ability to procrastinate. I am not a procrastinator my nature. I really have a to do list that I follow religiously. I really do set aside specific times for specific purposes. I just tarry when it comes to the massive, you know, time consuming things; like packing, or typing a paper for the National Boards, or scheduling doctor/dentist visits, or anything at all once I get to the point that my brain just goes into stand-still mode. I simply don't do anything at all once the bombarding attack takes place.
This makes me wonder what I was like when I was in the Army. But then, that isn't really fair, because I had someone thinking for me, and pushing me to never stop. Maybe that is what I need...and then I shake my head NO! Uh, I don't think so. I like thinking for myself...most of the time. I also don't like being pushed. In the civilian world, and where I live currently, I come to a complete stop simply because I have been pushed and I like a little bit of a smirk now and then.
So, I will have to rely on the talking myself through it angle. Here is what I have so far:
1. I really would prefer to spend $1000. on National Boards and one year of my time as opposed to the $26,000. and two and a half years on a Rank I program somewhere else. I can look at it like this...I am paying myself $25,000. to write this paper.
2. I really would prefer to have a nice, clean, stress-free move to the new house as opposed to the messy, thrown together, and not find anything later (very stressful)consequence we will face if I don't get busy. I can look at it like this...I am saving my marriage and an unimaginable amount of anguish if I pack.
3. I really would prefer to be in control again versus the can't think straight person I have become. I can look at it like this...I am who I am and will eventually see my way out of this. I have faith in me and I have faith in God. Winning combination if you ask me. I am going to get busy. I have a lot to do.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Long, leisurely talks...
I was able to have a long leisurely talk with both my guys this evening. Comanche wanted to discuss high school life and I was able to really get to see him again. I mean "see him" as in who he is becoming. I cannot stress how important our talks are to me. He was talking about life at the high school and somehow we got on politics. My little man knows more than a kid should know. He expressed interest in law and then politics as a career choice. Then I was able to transition quite nicely to Jeff.
We talked about the things that need to be done, and cleared the air a little. I haven't been overly sweet the last few days. I get focused on the big picture, and he gets focused on the details. We will do that for a while and then switch. It is really quite amazing when you think about it. We have overcome some serious obstacles in our lives and in our marriage...I am sure we can overcome moving from one house to another.
Speaking of marriage - in 6 days, we will have been married 17 years. We talked about that a little this evening, as well. We laughed about how young we were and where life has led us. Thankfully, we haven't killed each other. Neither of us are super easy to live with.
Work is well. Busy, but that's okay. Keeps me out of trouble (for now). The brothers all seem well. I was able to talk to Ron and Steve yesterday, but only a few minutes. I talked to Mac for quite a bit longer and relieved to know he is back home and is doing really well.
Overall, life is good. I just finished reading "23 Minutes in Hell" and had to do a double take on some things. Great book, great message, but pretty powerful when I stop to think about putting things into perspective. Nothing should come before God, and I think it is really easy to get caught up in the "business of life" when in reality, the "business of living" the right way and in the right frame of mind is so important.
All in the day of my mind music.
We talked about the things that need to be done, and cleared the air a little. I haven't been overly sweet the last few days. I get focused on the big picture, and he gets focused on the details. We will do that for a while and then switch. It is really quite amazing when you think about it. We have overcome some serious obstacles in our lives and in our marriage...I am sure we can overcome moving from one house to another.
Speaking of marriage - in 6 days, we will have been married 17 years. We talked about that a little this evening, as well. We laughed about how young we were and where life has led us. Thankfully, we haven't killed each other. Neither of us are super easy to live with.
Work is well. Busy, but that's okay. Keeps me out of trouble (for now). The brothers all seem well. I was able to talk to Ron and Steve yesterday, but only a few minutes. I talked to Mac for quite a bit longer and relieved to know he is back home and is doing really well.
Overall, life is good. I just finished reading "23 Minutes in Hell" and had to do a double take on some things. Great book, great message, but pretty powerful when I stop to think about putting things into perspective. Nothing should come before God, and I think it is really easy to get caught up in the "business of life" when in reality, the "business of living" the right way and in the right frame of mind is so important.
All in the day of my mind music.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Life in General
Everyone enjoys a good night's sleep. I think it puts things into a better perspective. I haven't been sleeping much lately, but only because I have myself caught between a rock and a hard place. No worries - I did it to myself. I have just allowed so many things to take over to the point to where I don't know which is the priority. I won't be teaching college after this semester, so that should help a little. With any luck at all, I can get moved AND complete this section of the National Boards before the 15th of April. I also get a little sad this time of year because my students will be leaving me and going on to bigger and better things very soon. I am so thankful for each and every one of them, and want them to be successful - I just get a little "empty nest" feeling in the pit of my stomach.
On the brighter side - the sun has been out the last couple of days and that always rejuvenates me. I look forward to the days when there is more sun than not. Those are the best days. This summer should be pretty nice. I won't have oral comps to worry about, I won't be teaching (college, middle school or Loft) and I can be lazy. If I were completely honest, here, I would have to say that last thought makes me a little anxious. What will I do all day? But anyway - I am willing to give it a try.
As for right now, things are busy and non-stop. Packing seems to drain me and I get frustrated with my guys for not working as hard as I do. They say I stress them out! Really? They say I have a 'take charge' nature and I have to laugh. I mean, really laugh....like a belly laugh because I wonder who the heck would take charge if I didn't. Dang, I love those guys. They are certainly worth keeping around - if for nothing more than entertainment. Just kidding. We know each other's strengths and weaknesses. That is what family is all about, I suppose.
Well, I guess I will get back to packing. Who knew we had so much stuff?
On the brighter side - the sun has been out the last couple of days and that always rejuvenates me. I look forward to the days when there is more sun than not. Those are the best days. This summer should be pretty nice. I won't have oral comps to worry about, I won't be teaching (college, middle school or Loft) and I can be lazy. If I were completely honest, here, I would have to say that last thought makes me a little anxious. What will I do all day? But anyway - I am willing to give it a try.
As for right now, things are busy and non-stop. Packing seems to drain me and I get frustrated with my guys for not working as hard as I do. They say I stress them out! Really? They say I have a 'take charge' nature and I have to laugh. I mean, really laugh....like a belly laugh because I wonder who the heck would take charge if I didn't. Dang, I love those guys. They are certainly worth keeping around - if for nothing more than entertainment. Just kidding. We know each other's strengths and weaknesses. That is what family is all about, I suppose.
Well, I guess I will get back to packing. Who knew we had so much stuff?
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The BIG move...
Here is a heads up: if I don't post for a while it is because we will be moving. This means I will be up to my head (literally) with boxes. We are down sizing, but not by much. Just enough to have to decide which of the larger pieces of furniture need to be sold or given away. Also - the books in the library will be one of the bigger projects so I wanted to share that I might not be posting.
But never fear - the music goes on and I am sure there will be a story to tell afterwards.
But never fear - the music goes on and I am sure there will be a story to tell afterwards.
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