Recovering

Okay - I haven't been on in a while and I have a pretty good excuse this time. About two weeks ago, I drove myself to the emergency room because I didn't want my kid to wake up and find his mother dead on the floor. Jeff was out of town, so I left the boys sleeping and went to see what was causing my chest to explode from the inside out. I was given the standard EKG and chest x-rays, and thank the Lord, those came back normal. They asked me to drink some minty, chalky stuff, which tasted like Mylanta with a hint of bourbon. Still, nothing. As the pain ebbed away, I was allowed to go home and hook up with my family doctor. I went to see her, and she explained how cleaning up the mess after the ice storm pulls a very thin muscle across the sternum. I let this explanation in because in all truthfulness, I couldn't find time to deal with anything else. She also said it could be acid reflux.

I went home and back to normal everyday mind music stuff. Then, this last Friday evening I felt very similar to how I had felt originally on that Wednesday that I went to the E.R. Except, this time it was intensified by about 10%. Thankfully, Jeff was home and he took me back to the emergency room. We got there about 9:30 in the evening, I was admitted to the hospital at 2:00. I had emergency gallbladder surgery (cholycystectomy) around 10:00 ish Saturday morning.



As it turns out, God saw fit to make me re-evaluate my timing and imposed His own. One really needs to recognize that in this type of confrontation, it is truly futile to plead your case. I can just see my great God now, doing that little smirky grin thing, one eyebrow raised, and that dead-set-on-look that we give our own children when they think they know everything. The not-so-subtle sigh that immediately follows is just thrown in there for patience sake. Anyway - as always, the timing was better than what I had hoped for, because I have fabulous people that I work with (who incidentally have been bringing food to my house now since I have been home) and they have taken over my part of the work load as smoothly as if they have been doing without me for years. (ha ha - I have only been with them now for two.) I have an insurmountable amount of love and support from my family, and I really and truly thought I was going to get some much needed study time because I was to take my oral compositions on April the 1st.



Well, I had to cancel my orals due to someone that I don't feel is necessary to name here, and I was pretty disappointed about the whole thing. It just so happened that this particular news came on the day when the anesthesia was leaving my body and left me completely vulnerable. I cried.

Those of you that know me, realize that this isn't a normal, everyday act for me, so you might be surprised to know it - but it is true. I let myself cry and sob and heave until I remembered that I had some pretty tender spots on and in my belly. So I stopped crying.



Today - as I think about yesterday's emotional roller coaster, I have to wonder where my mind music was. Was I so hell bent on taking a test that I couldn't let the music in? Why would I be so self absorbed and more than that: why in the world would I EVER allow someone to make me feel that I wasn't important? I guess I should reconsider how all powerful God's timing really is. What is wrong with taking a few days and really rest and re-cooperate? Will the house not ever need to be cleaned again? Will the test still not exist? Will I not sleep in my bed tonight if it wasn't made today? How many times will I test God's patience with me? That is the real question. Maybe He is waiting on me to get down on my knees and have one of those long, soul-satisfying talks? Just maybe, He has missed me and this is His way of saying just how important I am to Him. I think that is exactly what I will do. Because, you know the real truth of the matter is this - He is the mind music. He didn't go anywhere, he was waiting for me to seek Him out and let Him know how special we are to each other.