Yikes

If you have been a faithful follower, you may want to re-visit reading the post from July 11, 2010 before reading this one any further...then come back to this one.

A year later, I finally made it to the doctor. I chose an orthopaedic doctor because my ankle just wasn't healing. While in his office, he decided we should get x-rays. The x-rays showed that my fibia and tibia have shifted apart at the ankle bone. His explanation was that my tendons were not holding the bone in place and the ankle bone, itself, shifted which allowed for the shift in the bigger bones. He sent me the next week to get an MRI, so we could take a better look. I went for the MRI two days ago. I had a follow up appointment with the doctor today. This is the outcome...

I am scheduled for surgery on the 21st to repair at least one tendon with "extensive" damage. We talked about alternate options and the only other real option was to leave it alone (and he strongly discouraged this one) to see if it would heal on its own. He said the amount of damage and the length of time the damage has been there have cost me pretty dearly. UGH. So, I agreed to schedule the surgery. No worries. Then we talked about recovery time and I completely PANICKED! 12 weeks of panic stricken thoughts went through my brain...team leader, SBDM, first weeks of crucial bonding with my students, my student teacher, Renae's wedding, Professional Developments, and OMG - who the heck is going to keep my house clean (up to MY standards?) all went through my head when he said "12 weeks". Then I calmed myself down and thought I would probably be able to manage healing in half that time. Just as he said,"Are you one of those teachers that thinks you can do it in half time?" I nodded. He shook his head. 12 weeks of full recovery and then rehab three times a week to stretch out the repaired tendon.

I left his office thinking that I could NOT have made a bigger mess for myself. I went straight to school and talked with administration. Of course, they assured me that the school would not fall in, and that I would be missed, but not to worry. Then I felt bad about having the "big head" and assuming that I would be more needed than that. I then drove to a friend's house and asked how much she would be willing to take on in my absence. Of course she said she would take all of it - that is the kind of teacher she is. Then I felt bad because I had to ask.

Then I came home and shared with brothers, mom, husband, and son. They all understood, and would work through it (while I am an invalid). Makes me feel worse.

I am sick to my stomach from doing this to myself. Hind sight is 20/20, and if I could go back - - - I would have taken myself in to the doctor on July 11. As it turns out, God has a lesson for me to learn and I am positive it involves humility, patience, and (roll of the eyes) sitting still.

Please pray. Pray that I can learn my lessons with grace. I have a feeling I might be hard to get along with...I can only blame the first couple of days on left over anesthesia. I am going to need about 11 more weeks of prayers to get me past that stage.

Good news: (because there is ALWAYS good news)...I don't have bone cancer, I don't have to have replacement surgeries - hip, ankle, or knee - and the best news is that I really do have people in my life I can count on if and when I finally give in and ask for help. God is there, too, and knows I need help even when I don't agree or acknowledge it. :)