Anxiety

Anxiety comes in many forms and several levels. I guess my anxieties are mostly internal and I'm pretty selective which ones I share and overly protective with whom I share them with. However, I don't mind sharing the ones that are external and out of my control. rest assured that God has them all under His care and I recognize that and am very appreciative. The ones I want to talk about right now deal with getting old. In about a week I will be 38. While normally this doesn't qualify as an anxiety, the realization that with every year I get older, so does my baby.
I was watching him today and he was acting silly, which is not at all unusual for him, but I noticed how mature his silliness is these days. I miss the toddler that would slap his little hands on his thighs, jerk his head from looking to the right to looking to the left and then laugh like only little boys laugh...uncontrollably and without any inhibitions whatsoever.
Today, his voice is much deeper, his jokes are profound and his eyes are so aware and wise. I got a glimpse of the man he is growing into. While I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, I found myself trying very hard to laugh with him and cry all at the same time.
This evening, I am unsuccessfully attempting to remember when he last needed me to rub the inner part of his arm to get him to sleep, or when he tolerated my waltzing him so he could calm his mind from bad dreams. I desperately want to remember his little boy scent after playing outside or after a baseball game. I would really settle for one more "mommy, will you read me a book or watch a 'didsney' movie?"
I guess I should stop spending my time trying to recall all of my little boy's sweetness and allow this new set of memories of his teenage years to become as endearing as every breath he has ever taken.
He is going to be gone from home soon, and I want every moment to count. So, for those of you that keep up with this blog, and you are fortunate enough to have a little one in your life, take a moment or two every night to watch them sleep. While they are resting their little bodies in preparation of tomorrows memories, you can replay the day in your mind so it will be there when you need it.